What is your comfort zone? How do you step out of it?
For some people challenging themselves might mean going out more, meeting new people, trying a new hobby or visiting a new place.
But recently I’ve realised that for me it means taking things down a notch, slowing the pace and allowing myself to CHILL.
I’m most comfortable living life at a pace of 100 mph.
Never content with just sitting still, I always have to be doing something whether it’s discovering aerial hoop classes, dancing, going out with friends, writing a song, writing a book, studying something or pushing myself to a new limit.
But what inevitably happens is that I take on too much, get stressed, panic about the amount of things I have to do and then realise I’ve got no one to blame for it but myself.
My cat Smokey teaching me how to be zen
It all boils down to finding the right balance in life – something which may seem difficult to do but is actually incredibly simple.
Now every time I do something I need to ask myself – Why am I doing this?
Am I doing a dance class because I think I need to lose weight or because I enjoy it?
Am I writing a blog because I want likes and followers or because I want to help others?
Am I reading a book/article because it’s on a topic I feel I should know more about or one that I’m genuinely interested in?
When we examine the motives behind our actions we get to the core of what’s going on.
For me it’s usually pride, self-doubt, fear and perfectionism.
Deep down part of me still thinks I’m not good enough and therefore have to prove myself to the world.
But I don’t and neither do you.
So today, have a rest, put your feet up, take 10 minutes to meditate, read a celebrity magazine, watch TV or do a crossword – whatever makes you happy.
We don’t need to constantly grasp for something to make us whole.
We can be liberated from our negative self-talk and the shoulds, and coulds, and “need to” statements.
Panic Attack: a cool name for a rock band but the mental equivalent of being struck by lightening.
Since the age of 16 I’ve suffered with them, some more severe than others.
But recently I really thought I’d turned a corner.
I hadn’t had a panic attack in over a year and was feeling pretty smug about my new life in London.
The day started like any other, I did my morning meditation, hopped on the tube and began my commute.
But for some reason I felt off – a vague sense of irritability that I couldn’t quite explain.
By now I’m used to playing human tetris on the tube but on this particular day I felt very crowded and claustrophobic like I wanted to wave a magic wand and make all the other people disappear.
Then when I got to Bank where I had to change lines I started to cry a bit and suddenly became anxious that I wasn’t going to get off in time and would miss my stop.
I jumped up and tried to push out past a man, frantically saying, “excuse me, excuse me” but there were people getting off from the other side of him so he said “just wait a minute love.”
That was it, I flipped.
I was so angry that he called me “love”, he probably didn’t mean anything by it but in that moment I felt patronised, invisible.
When I got up to ground level the panic was in full flow.
Heart racing I leant my head against a brick wall and just let the tears fall, whilst trying to stop my negative thoughts from spiralling out of control.
“I’m pathetic, why is this happening, I thought I was done with panic attacks, I’m going to have to quit my job again, I can’t cope with life, what must people think of me, I’m meant to have my shit together now, I’m a mess…”
Breathe in, breathe out, it’s going to be fine.
Then a kind lady came and asked me if I was ok.
I’ve always been incredibly humbled by the kindness of strangers.
I told her thank you, that I’d be fine etc.
Then I wiped away my tears, took a few more deep breaths and walked into the office like nothing had happened.
It was just a blip, a rocky ten minutes in a 24 hour day.
It doesn’t define who I am or how I’m feeling and I don’t need to beat myself with the “shoulds” and the “could haves” and the “whys” of it.
If you suffer from panic attacks here are some tips for calming down that have worked for me over the years…
1.) Emergency paper bag
Keep a paper bag on you that you can breathe in and out of.
You probably won’t want to draw attention to yourself but you can also do this in the toilets or by shutting yourself in a room like a stationery cupboard.
Take a deep breath and with the bag held tightly around your mouth, exhale deeply until it expands fully.
Repeat many times as necessary.
Top tip – If you use female toilets, the little hygiene sanitary bags that you sometimes find in there are really good for this.
2.) Deep breathing
The same principle as the paper bag breathing.
Focus entirely on your breath – in through your nose, out through your mouth.
Every time your mind snaps back to a negative or anxious thought just guide it gently back to the breath.
Try inhaling to the count of 4, hold for 5, and exhale for 7. Repeat as necessary.
3.) Close your eyes and say a little prayer
Once you’re in a safe space, i.e. not driving, standing in the middle of the road or in a busy crowd, just close your eyes and focus on the present.
Then say a little prayer “Please, (Insert higher power here), take this feeling of panic away from me, help me to be calm.”
If you’re not religious or spiritual and don’t believe in any kind of cosmic force, higher power, Unicorn god etc, then just tell yourself that it’s going to be ok, you’re loved and you’re safe.
4.) Lavender oil
As well as being a great aid to sleep, lavender oil can help you to feel more calm and relaxed.
Keep a little bottle with you and if you feel panicked, dab a couple of drops on your wrists and rub them together.
Bring them up to your nose and inhale deeply, then put a couple of drops on each finger and rub them on your temples.
5.) Walk it off
Sometimes if you’re in public and are a bit exposed it’s not as easy to go off to a quiet place and have some time by yourself.
Keeping moving can also calm down those feelings of stress and anxiety.
If you’re in a city/town try walking up and down the same street or doing a few laps of a building.
Focus on your senses – what you can see, hear and smell.
Distract yourself by noticing all the dogs that walk past, the colour red, street signs, things beginning with “P” or anything else you can think of.
If you don’t know the area, don’t wander too far or else you might get lost (I have done this before.)
My usual routine is get up, turn off alarm, doze for half an hour and then leave the house in a panicked rush.
Today is different. I’m excited.
I catch my usual tube, taking the central line into London.
In my neon leggings I stand next to men in neatly ironed suits who are on their morning commute.
I’m also on my way to work, but I’ve got somewhere to be first.
This morning I’m going to a sober rave.
Morning Gloryville was founded in London in 2013 by Nico Thoemmes and Sam Moyo and is described as an “immersive morning dance party.”
Since it began it has developed into a global community of conscious clubbers with events taking place all over the world.
The main principals of the community as described in the manifesto are sustainability, love, harmony, evolution, balance, creativity and spiritual growth.
I’ve never been a morning person (aside from slightly manic, stressful periods when I would wake up early or in the middle of the night.)
Generally, I’m always craving five more minutes in bed and before I have my first coffee of the day I don’t feel human so I was skeptical of the idea that an early morning party could “energise” me for the day ahead.
When I arrive at the venue (The Ministry Of Sound) it seems a bit dead.
I’m expecting hoards of people to be queuing up but there’s only a couple milling about in the drizzle.
It’s too early to get in so I make conversation with Sam, a client partner and fellow Morning Gloryville virgin.
“A few of my friends tried it a couple of years ago and they said it was really good fun so I thought I’d give it a try too,” she says.
After having our auras cleansed by Paulina with a feather duster, we go inside where we are offered a hug by one of the “Wake-Up Angels.”
Against the energetic thud of a cool dance beat, an array of glittering, smiling people in brightly-coloured spandex convalesce in the entry room.
There are stalls with smoothies and raw vegan snacks, people contorting themselves into impressive yoga positions and a woman offering Angel Card readings.
It’s like I’ve stepped through the looking glass and into a fantasy world filled with all of my favourite things.
It’s amazing but also slightly overwhelming.
Like a kid in a sweet shop I don’t know what to try first.
In the end I opt for an Angel Card reading with the lovely Gilly Bean.
For Gilly, Morning Gloryville is all about making time in our busy lives to relax and re-focus on what’s truly important to us – whether or not that involves help from the angels.
She says, “It’s a really nice place where people are here enjoying themselves.
“It’s a time to take for yourself and to just enjoy connecting with what messages are coming through for you.”
This particular event is called The Big Spring Clean and has a focus on sustainability.
Everyone is encouraged to bring their own refillable water bottles and there is a station manned by Swapaholics UK where you can trade in and swap second hand clothes.
I bump into a woman I initially clocked on the tube but was too shy to speak to.
Luisa Agliatta, an interdimensional metaphysical healer, has been coming to Morning Gloryville for a couple of years.
She says, “I’ve always loved a good party without all the heaviness of having to drink or take any drugs.
“I’m really not into that because it’s a bit contrary to my work.
“I’m a morning person so I like mornings. It just sets your day off beautifully.
“You get so much energy, meet some nice people and have a nice time.”
The zero alcohol element was also what attracted me to the event.
As a recovering alcoholic I’ve learnt that I can have much more fun sober than I ever had when I was drinking.
For years I’d convinced myself that dancing to shit music in dingy nightclubs, knocking back shots of vodka (which I would vomit up the next day) and blacking out was fun.
It wasn’t.
This is a sentiment that’s shared by Charlie Elliott who’s launching a business in holistic healing and has a background in mental health.
She says, “What’s really beautiful is that I know a lot of people that are in recovery.
“Discovering events and communities like this can be a game changer because it’s like ‘wow you can have so much fun and feel this connected, to people, to music, to expression and creativity without drugs, without any influence.’
“I think that in itself is a really powerful option for people.”
The event is also very inclusive and welcomes people from all walks of life.
Charlie adds, “It’s so diverse. You’ve got all ages, all races, all backgrounds, all religions coming together. It’s almost quite spiritual. We’re all here dancing.
“It’s like family to me.”
After a brief spin on the dance floor it’s time for me to get to work.
My time here was short-lived but there’s no doubt I’ll be back.
Lots of people complain about Londoners being callous and alloof.
But Morning Gloryville has an amazing sense of togetherness, community, joy and vibrancy.
In a room full of strangers, I feel like I belong.
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