Change is inevitable yet it can’t be forced. We all need to grow but each person does so at their own rate.
There may be times in our lives when we wish time would speed up so we can skip over a difficult or challenging chapter.
And there may be times when we wish the clock would slow down so we could have more time with our loved ones or we’re having the time of our lives and we just don’t want it to end.
I’ve spent a lot of my own life being frustrated at my perceived stagnation, desperately wanting things to move forward, for my life to “begin” as I measured myself against my peers who seemed to be moving on, growing up and achieving success in a way that I wasn’t.
And even on my healing journey there were times when I was trying to force a breakthrough, operating from the belief that I was broken and needed to be fixed ASAP.
Society, our families and institutions can all condition us to believe that there is a specific or optimal timeline we should be living by.
E.g. Buying a house by 30 Kids before age 40 Retirement by 70
But I believe in a creator and I believe in divine timing and as such I believe that we’re all uniquely crafted and designed to find our own path. Our soul came here on a mission to EXPERIENCE whatever that looks like, whether it’s straightforward or messy.
And to experience we must learn to enjoy the journey rather than hastening ahead to a specific destination.
Another lesson I’ve learnt is that the beauty of life happens when we’re not “trying” to make anything happen.
It’s those moments when we can be truly present and enjoy cuddling the dog in bed. It’s the laughter and a moment of connection between two friends. It’s a candyfloss sunset. A grasshopper that you spy on a wall. Your partner saying “I love you.”
I leave you with an affirmation I return to often when I need to cultivate a little patience… “The slower I go, the faster I grow.” ðŠī
Let me know in the comments something that you’re grateful for in your life right now.
I was in a situation recently where I was forced to confront my own stories of inadequacy and unworthiness.
I’ll set the scene.
I was on a hen-do with people I didn’t know (aside from the Bride-to-be) and travelling to London for the day.
I don’t often say “Yes” to group socialising opportunities since I’m Autistic and it drains me but I felt called to step out of my comfort zone because, A. It was a hen-do and I’ve never experienced one of those before and B. I’m going to the bride-to-be’s wedding but we haven’t spent a lot of time together so I thought it would be nice to get to know her better.
From the outset I was super-aware of my own inner dialogue and my shadow parts who were piping up and highlighting all of the reasons I didn’t belong or deserve to be a part of the group…
I don’t have a PHD (most of the other women did)
I’m not married
I don’t have a mortgage
I’m not a “girly girl”
I’m leaving early and they’re all going to judge me for that
I don’t drink alcohol
I could see these stories of inadequacy for the absolute bullshit that they were, and at the same time I observed myself trying to impress these women I didn’t even know.
I caught myself saying the things that my shadow thought they wanted to hear so that they would like me, like telling them about the fancy office I used to work in when I lived in London for a year (where I was absolutely miserable) or trying to legitimize my invite to the hen-do by telling them that I’m the best man’s girlfriend (which is true, but I felt like I was using this info as a sort of social visa.)
This internal struggle was then coupled with the very real and outer embarrassment of realising I had a big period blood stain on the back of my skirt.
On one level I really wasn’t bothered about this at all (it happens to the best of us) but it was a ghastly affront to that inner people-pleaser who was determined to make a good impression and be liked at all costs.
“Oh my goodness, whatever must they think of me, I can’t believe you didn’t take better precautions!” she wailed.
I’ve been on the journey of personal and spiritual development for a while now so in those moments when these frightened inner child and inner teenage parts were threatening to sabotage my day, I was able to pause and reassure them that everything was ok.
“It’s ok if I don’t become best friends with everyone I meet.”
“It’s ok if other people don’t understand me (or even like me).”
“It’s ok if I don’t have a husband, mortgage or PHD – I’m no less lovable or worthy.”
And when I was able to bring these parts of me into the light, I also found that I could see the truth of the situation.
If we hold firm to certain beliefs such as “I don’t belong” or “I don’t fit in” or “nobody likes me” then we will only see evidence that reinforces these beliefs or we’ll derive negative meaning from every inconsequential comment or action.
“But what did they really mean when they said that?” your brain will muse.
But when I affirmed to myself “I do belong here, I deserve to be here and I’m claiming my space on this hen-do” my perspective shifted.
I noticed kind gestures – like one woman giving me a safety pin so I could sort my skirt out and hide my blood stain.
I was able to be present and enjoy the shared creativity and fun that accompanied the crafting activity we were doing (we’d gone to a lino printing class).
And instead of being so absorbed in my own self-centered fear I was able to look outside of it and be curious about the other people there, asking them questions and discovering more about what makes them unique.
If you want to break up with imposter syndrome the first step is just becoming aware of that inner dialogue.
Observe it, see it for what it is.
The the next step is to stop letting it run the show by putting a new tape of positive affirmations and self-love statements in your mental cassette player:
“I am worthy and lovable no matter what.”
“It is my divine birth right to have fun and experience fulfilling relationships.”
“Every day in every way I am claiming my place on this Earth and developing loving, soul-family connections.”
A self-love summer isn’t about finding the perfect pair of sunglasses or moisturiser – it starts on the inside by making sure we’re not melting under the glaring sun of our own shame and fear.
Let me know in the comments something you’ve been saying about yourself that you know is absolute bullshit and what you could say to counter it.
If you’d like more support with breaking up with imposter syndrome I’m offering some 1:1 coaching sessions at a discounted price to support my Cosy Coven crowdfunder project.
cosmickatspirit.com 